Circumstances that Complicate the Grief Journey

Sometimes, the circumstances of death might be considered ‘special’ or unexpected, meaning that they result in symptoms of grief that may be especially challenging to manage. The thoughts and feelings brought about by these kinds of losses may also require extra support.

Let’s unpack some examples of special death and loss circumstances, and try to understand what the grief around them might look like.

Special Circumstances

Death of a Young Person

It’s a difficult place to start, but important to consider the pain that accompanies the passing of someone “before their time”. When a child dies, our sense of the natural order of things is turned upside-down, and there is often disbelief at how life can be cut so short. Especially in the case where a very young infant is lost, those who are grieving may experience deep feelings of hopelessness about a future without the child.

We also might feel confronted by our own mortality after the death of a young person, which further complicates feelings of grief by triggering profound (and sometimes uncomfortable) self-reflection.  

Suicide

Coping with emotions in the wake of a loved one’s suicide can be extremely challenging and multi-layered. On one level, the grieving begins because you’ve lost someone significant and valuable to the meaning of your own life. The grief journey is potentially punctuated by additional layers of guilt from not having “seen the signs” or “done enough” to prevent the tragedy. The nature of the death can also create additional layers or obstacles to overcoming the grief. The fear, misunderstanding and lack of societal discussion around the circumstances only serves to make matters worse.

Sudden, Violent Death

After someone you care about dies a sudden, violent death, you are forced to struggle with both the traumatic nature of the death as well as the grief over the loss. The loved ones left behind often find themselves replaying or ruminating over the extraordinary circumstances of the death. And while this is normal (and necessary), it can be an all-consuming aspect of processing the event. It’s as if the mind needs to devote time and energy to comprehending the circumstances of the death before it can get to the grieving. This might cause a kind of delay in the actual acknowledgement of the person’s absence, further complicating the onset of grief.

Drug Overdose

Unfortunately, dangerous drugs regularly circulate in our communities, and it’s not uncommon for overdoses to occur. Persons at any age may be afflicted with an addiction, a reliance on drugs or even a tendency to use drugs recreationally. It is especially sad when this usage leads to their untimely death. 

If the person who died is young and otherwise healthy, that fact will affect how grief is experienced. There might be a sense of injustice and a stolen future, similar to the grief of losing a person in the prime of their life. Grief can also evolve to anger when a death is caused by certain behaviour that might be deemed as preventable. Loved ones may blame themselves for failing to intervene if there was an opportunity to do so, or even blame others for their involvement. These are all complicated thoughts and feelings that require space to be expressed in a healthy way.

Natural Disaster

The threat of hurricanes, flood, fire, drought, earthquakes and other types of natural disaster seem more prevalent in our changing climate. It becomes incredibly painful and complicated to comprehend and cope with a close death among such chaos, when the primary focus is simply survival.

Even if there is not necessarily any loss of life, an experience of natural disaster can result in displacement or loss of home, loss of belongings or even loss of a sense of dignity, safety and control. This can also cause a loss of trust in the surroundings and perhaps even in protective authorities. These types of losses resulting from natural events often cause us to grieve all the same, complicating our relationship with the natural environment.

Wrap up 

Grief can be complicated by a number of factors that stretch even beyond the nature of the death itself. What’s most important to remember is that both the feelings of being traumatised by the circumstances of the death, and of the loss of someone you care about, must be worked through with self-compassion.

The grief that follows a loved one’s death – no matter the circumstance – can be a powerful, life-changing experience, as is your ability to facilitate your own healing. Preparing your online Will goes a long way to facilitate the healing of others in your absence - a small action that lightens the load by uncomplicating someone else’s grief. 

If you found this helpful, you may benefit from reading our guide on All About Complicated Grief.